Tell Me its not all Just a Lie

My head is spinnning,
And its not from school,
I cant stop thinking,
I'm trying to keep my cool.

His voice is
Sweet when said,
And it always is,
Running through my head.

He's driving me crazy,
Its like a tickle,
I just wish it was easy,
But now I'm being fickle.

His look holds my eyes,
I never want to let go,
My heart sighs,
How could this be so?

I thought I had built a sturdy wall,
But along comes he,
His smile was enough to make it all fall,
I just know we were meant to be.

But it never works out,
For me and him,
It just makes me doubt,
And my world become dim.

I still wanna try,
But I'm scared,
'Cause if I don't its just a lie,
And I cant deny that I really cared.

He just wont listen to his heart,
I hate the way he reasons,
Waiting for him is just so hard,
Its like waiting for the change of seasons.

Hiding Everyday

I think I am being strong,
but really I am only weak.

I am hiding from everything,
"protecting" myself from further harm.

I close myself off from the world,
I cut myself off from you.

Thinking everything will just go away,
leaving me to recover on my own.

I am a coward,
I am scared of the things you'll say.

This is what I do when I become too attached,
with no promise, no commitment from you.

I know this is not the way I should handle it,
but I felt I had no other choice.

So I am sorry but this was the only way,
I saw myself getting through this.

I cant take the pressure,
all the thoughts of you.

So now I will go hide from you,
but more hide from everything I want but can't have.

I like you and you know that I do,
but I'm just trying to figure this out.

I tried to ignore my feelings, but it didn't work,
I screwed everything up, I know.

A Hell Like State

Some say confusion is a state of bliss,
but I know differently.
It can rip anyone up and tear every feeling they have
up into a million little pieces.
It will leave their heart in pure chaos,
and their mind in constant rotation.
It can trap them in a glass cage of emotion,
and lock their heart up, away from the world.
It will leave them sinking, drowning in their own misery,
and rotting in the hell of their own agony.
Life is always a deep pit of confusion,
and we are always caught waiting, wondering.

So Afraid

I'm not afraid,

I wake up and I'm not afraid

of wrecking my car.

I live every moment and I'm not afraid

of being robbed.

I go places and I'm not afraid

of people taking advantage of me.

I apply and I'm not afraid

of being rejected.

I find myself unhappy and I'm not afraid

of dying.

I am afraid though,

but not of those things.

Those fears are over shadowed by my fear of you

never being my friend again,

never again being the one I turn to when something big happens,

never calling me again just because you wanted to talk,

never telling me that I'm your best friend

and that you would do anything for me.

I'm afraid I will never get that back,

I'm afraid that I wont be able to go on

living without you there.

I'm so afraid.