Making This Blog For Real

So I figured I like to write and keep a journal, so why not blog? So I am having a new beginning with my blog and am going to keep up on it.

My summer has been weird. Not an average, "fun in the sun" summer. Seven weeks ago I had ACL reconstruction surgery. I apparently tore my ACL back in February, however I had no idea because the ER told me it was a "sprained knee." How did I tear it? Doing this...

Or lets be real here, more like this...

Thats right, snowboarding was the death of my ACL. After 12 years of playing soccer, I tore my ACL snowboarding. I guess it was bound to catch up to me eventually considering the "no fear" style of snowboarding that I put my body through every winter. So anyway, I had surgery and was in a big brace and crutches for 3 long weeks.. the longest weeks of my life.

Right after surgery...

My mom came out to help me recover. I couldn't have done it without her thats for sure!

Feeling a little better hanging out with old friends in Grand Junction, but still on my awesome crutches...

It has been hard, really hard. Probably the most difficult thing I have ever been through, but I dont regret having it done one bit. Soon I will be able to do all the things I love, like snowboarding, and sports, and being outdoors, again. I can now walk almost normally, bike, walk up and down stairs and I am getting close to being able to run again. Maybe in another couple weeks. Oh and on top of this fun surgery my mom also thought it was a good idea to get my wisdom teeth out. Summer of surgeries I guess.

There were a few fun things to happen this summer though. Such as my vacation out to Texas to visit my sister, Flying out to Denver for a Rockies game, and most recently being next to the stage at the Chris Cagle concert! Im so glad to have Hil back in Utah!

Swimming in Texas, probably the last time I will ever go there.

A couple at the Rockies Game! It was so fun even though we lost!

1. Outside Coors Field 2. Hil and I with the field in the back

And Last, Chris Cagle! Hil and I are definately Cagleheads!

We were literally right at the stage! We were so close that we had a life changing experience when he touched our hands! Haha love him!

This was a picture with the opening act, Jagertown! They were so good and their lead singer was sexy!

So that was my summer summed up. I am looking forward to school in the fall and getting my knee better!!

Tell Me its not all Just a Lie

My head is spinnning,
And its not from school,
I cant stop thinking,
I'm trying to keep my cool.

His voice is
Sweet when said,
And it always is,
Running through my head.

He's driving me crazy,
Its like a tickle,
I just wish it was easy,
But now I'm being fickle.

His look holds my eyes,
I never want to let go,
My heart sighs,
How could this be so?

I thought I had built a sturdy wall,
But along comes he,
His smile was enough to make it all fall,
I just know we were meant to be.

But it never works out,
For me and him,
It just makes me doubt,
And my world become dim.

I still wanna try,
But I'm scared,
'Cause if I don't its just a lie,
And I cant deny that I really cared.

He just wont listen to his heart,
I hate the way he reasons,
Waiting for him is just so hard,
Its like waiting for the change of seasons.

Hiding Everyday

I think I am being strong,
but really I am only weak.

I am hiding from everything,
"protecting" myself from further harm.

I close myself off from the world,
I cut myself off from you.

Thinking everything will just go away,
leaving me to recover on my own.

I am a coward,
I am scared of the things you'll say.

This is what I do when I become too attached,
with no promise, no commitment from you.

I know this is not the way I should handle it,
but I felt I had no other choice.

So I am sorry but this was the only way,
I saw myself getting through this.

I cant take the pressure,
all the thoughts of you.

So now I will go hide from you,
but more hide from everything I want but can't have.

I like you and you know that I do,
but I'm just trying to figure this out.

I tried to ignore my feelings, but it didn't work,
I screwed everything up, I know.

A Hell Like State

Some say confusion is a state of bliss,
but I know differently.
It can rip anyone up and tear every feeling they have
up into a million little pieces.
It will leave their heart in pure chaos,
and their mind in constant rotation.
It can trap them in a glass cage of emotion,
and lock their heart up, away from the world.
It will leave them sinking, drowning in their own misery,
and rotting in the hell of their own agony.
Life is always a deep pit of confusion,
and we are always caught waiting, wondering.

So Afraid

I'm not afraid,

I wake up and I'm not afraid

of wrecking my car.

I live every moment and I'm not afraid

of being robbed.

I go places and I'm not afraid

of people taking advantage of me.

I apply and I'm not afraid

of being rejected.

I find myself unhappy and I'm not afraid

of dying.

I am afraid though,

but not of those things.

Those fears are over shadowed by my fear of you

never being my friend again,

never again being the one I turn to when something big happens,

never calling me again just because you wanted to talk,

never telling me that I'm your best friend

and that you would do anything for me.

I'm afraid I will never get that back,

I'm afraid that I wont be able to go on

living without you there.

I'm so afraid.